"The advantages of whisky over dogs are legion.  Whisky does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped.  Whisky sits quietly in its special nook until you want it.  True, whisky has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog."
W.C. Fields

"We frequently hear of people dying from too much drinking.  That this happins is a matter of record.  But the blame is always placed on whisky.  Why this should be I never could understand.  You can die from drinking too much of anything-coffee, water, milk, soft drinks and all such stuff as that.  And so as long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whisky."      
W.C. Fields